


Insecurities

by trashycatarcade



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Bad Communication, M/M, skin disease, these boys are dumb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-08
Updated: 2017-01-08
Packaged: 2018-09-15 16:19:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9243758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trashycatarcade/pseuds/trashycatarcade
Summary: Keith and Lance's insecurities get in the way of their communication skills which causes confusion and wrong signals.





	

Keith knew in the back of his mind this was coming. It was inevitable and even though it wasn’t a big deal in comparison to the things his teammates and him were subjected to on a daily basis, it hurt Keith. Obviously in a different way, but this wasn’t something he could easily solve. This wasn’t solved by a visit to the healing pods because it would come back. Keith was stressed constantly, fatigued, pushing himself right to the edge, it was just a matter of time before this dirty little secret came back to haunt him. 

Keith examined the skin on the back of his neck in the mirror, the skin already scarred, was concentrated in angry red spots. His hair would cover it. His back would be next, that was easy to hid from his team members too. Once his forearms started the same process it would be difficult to miss. He rubbed his eyes in frustration, holding back emotions he didn’t want to deal with. 

He sighed and pulled his boots on and opened the door to his room. The hallway was empty, his other teammates were most likely still asleep. He spent the early morning training and revelled in the quietness of the castle. It had been hard for Keith to adjust to living with other people again. He had spent a year alone in the desert and then all of sudden was living with six other people. He needed time to himself, as much as he enjoyed the company of the others, it was too much sometimes. 

Eventually enough time had passed for the others to be awake and in the dining room, so Keith headed that way. No one looked up at his arrival, they were used to this routine by now; Keith would often be the last one to join them in the mornings. He wasn’t sure if they knew it was because he had already been up and training, but no one said anything. He took his seat beside Lance and looked down at the plate of goop. Lance made eye contact with Keith and nudged his knee against his with a smile. Keith resisted the urge to recoil at the contact, feeling his skin crawl. 

He felt the itch at the back of his neck and tried to focus on anything other than that. Keith knew that soon he wouldn’t be able to handle physical contact without it making his stomach churn and his skin to feel like it was covered in a million crawling ants. 

Hunk and Pidge held a conversation with the occasional quip from Lance while Keith silently ate. Eventually, Lance and Keith were the only ones left at the table, Lance waiting for Keith to finish and keeping him company by holding a meaningless conversation about planets he hoped existed.

“-just imagine, a planet where the locals knew how to make pizza, honestly sign me up.” Keith nodded to let Lance know he was still listening and got up to clear his dish. Lance continued to ramble on as they walked down the hallway for the training deck. 

“Hey, hold up a sec,” Lance stopped him, “You know you can talk to me about anything right? Because this isn’t a one way street, I complain and stress to you all the time and you barely ever express what’s bothering you, and I know something’s bothering you right now. I don’t care if it’s even something like your feet hurt or something because I’ll listen.”

“I know, it’s really nothing.” Keith lied and he could tell that Lance knew he was lying. He knew it hurt Lance when he did this but he didn’t know what else to do. Thinking about the damage he was doing hurt Keith. He wished he didn’t feel this way, he wished he didn’t have the fears that he had. 

“Okay.” Lance’s expression was filled with uncertainty, but took ahold of Keith’s hand and walked them to the training deck anyways. In due time Keith would open up to him, he was sure of it. 

…

Exhausted from the day’s training, Lance whined to Keith that his own room was too far away and Keith reluctantly allowed Lance into his own. He flopped down onto Keith’s bed like a dead weight, making the mattress creak slightly. He kicked his shoes off of the end of the bed and snuggled into the blankets on the bed. Keith watched this entire transaction with weary eyes. He felt his skin prickle at the thought of being in such close proximity to another person for the night. He attempted to shrug it off and began pulling his own boots off. He picked Lance’s shoes and placed them down next to his own beside the door. 

Keith sat down at the edge of the bed and Lance was quick to wrap an arm around his waist. Keith ignored his mind’s protest and willed his tensed muscles to relax. In the time that Keith had adjusted the shoes, Lance had lost his jeans, clad in boxers and a random shirt they had picked up from other planet’s market. Keith followed Lance’s lead before laying down beside the other boy. Lance was quick to eliminate any remaining personal space Keith had by wrapping his body around him in a sloth-like manner. Keith took a deep breath to calm himself once more before adjusting to get as comfortable as he could. 

“Love you.”Lance mumbled, already beginning to drift off. 

“You too.” Keith murmured back. Minutes passed quickly and Lance was already asleep against Keith. Keith almost absentmindedly reached to the patch of red spots behind his neck and caught himself. His emotions and impulses felt out of whack. After a few more deep breaths, he was counting backwards from one hundred, over and over again until he eventually nodded off into a restless sleep. 

…

It never felt like enough time had past in between the time Lance fell asleep and woke up. He was curled against Keith, who seemed to be still sleeping. Lance gently untangled himself from the other boy and stretched his stiff joints. These beds were truly not meant for two people, but they made it work. The memories of Keith’s behavior the past week creep up on Lance as his gaze settles upon said person.

Something was so obviously bothering Keith and Lance didn’t understand how it could be something so bad that he wouldn’t tell Lance. It worried Lance. Keith seemed to be acting how he did when they first started dating. Lance was almost always the one to initiate any type of physical contact and he learned to do so with hesitation in the beginning of their relationship. Keith’s initial reaction was always to recoil or to defend himself. 

The first time Lance tried to hold hands with Keith, Keith performed some kind of ninja shit and Lance ended up on the floor. A comical memory now, but at the time Lance became a little more reserved with the touching than he had in any other relationship. That was almost 8 months ago, Keith had adjusted to the type of normal physical contact that couples shared. Well, up until about a week ago. 

It seemed like Keith was back at stage one. Lance would touch Keith in any way and Keith would tense up, before relaxing a few moments later. Something had Keith on edge and Lance yearned to know what it was. Lance was painfully aware that Keith knew how to keep things secret better than anyone he’d ever met, he was just going to have to wait for Keith to tell him. 

Dark thoughts snuck into that back of his mind, unlikely reasons for Keith’s behavior. Maybe he doesn’t love Lance anymore. Maybe he wants to break up.

Lance’s thoughts were fortunately interrupted by Keith stirring beside him. Lance watched with fondness as Keith yawned and rubbed his eyes. He couldn’t deny that as cute as Keith was, his bed head was unimaginable. Lance reached to card his hand through Keith’s messy hair but Keith flinched away. A look of panic flashed across his face before he quickly schooled his expression. 

“Back off, I just woke up.” Keith warned Lance. Keith got up from the bed then and cracked his knuckles. “I’m gonna go shower.” He alerted Lance.

“You literally did after training and then came straight back here.” Lance frowned. Keith shrugged in response and left the room as quickly as possible, leaving Lance sitting on the bed. He pushed back his urges to follow Keith, knowing that would only make Keith’s mood worse. Lance flopped back down on the bed and shut his eyes tightly in an attempt to distract himself from his distress.

…

Guilt. Keith felt guilty for acting that way towards Lance. Keith ended up in an empty hallway away from the common rooms and bedrooms, head in his hands. He was leaned up against the wall, when Shiro found him. Lance had told Shiro he was worried about Keith. 

“Hey.” Shiro said gently and sat down beside Keith. Keith looked up and over at Shiro, actually grateful he was here now. 

“Want to tell me what’s going on?”Shiro asked, looking at Keith with sincerity. Lance had been freaking out the entire morning, to the point where it was ridiculous. Shiro honestly thought Lance was about to pop a blood vessel he was so worked up. 

“Not really.” Keith mumbled. Shiro smiled empathetically at Keith and placed his hand on Keith’s shoulder in a comforting way. 

When Keith was younger and Shiro was the only one he knew at the Garrison, he had told Shiro about a lot of his past. Shiro was one of his first friends he completely trusted. Keith had needed treatment that he couldn’t pay for, medical insurance didn’t come easy to orphans just getting out of the system. He told Shiro about this and Shiro had helped him the best he could, his family wasn’t rich, but they could afford to help. 

“Fine. I feel so stupid for getting so worked up over this. My eczema is back, I just feel so out of control and stressed about it.” Keith sighed and kept his eyes trained at the ground. He heard Shiro exhale deeply and he tightened his grip on Keith’s shoulder slightly. 

“Are you going to find out if any of altean medicine can help? I’m sure Coran-”

“I don’t want anyone else knowing about this! It’s bad enough I’m gonna have to tell Lance! He’s going to think this is so gross, and that’s the reality of this, skin diseases are not attractive. No one would want to date someone with weird red, patchy, dry, skin.” Keith cut Shiro off aggressively. His tone of voice was harsh and full of emotion. 

“You really think that? That Lance would dump you because of something you’re completely out of control of? Because if you do I think you need reconsider the person we’re talking about. You don’t need to be embarrassed about this, Keith.” Shiro said sternly, in a somewhat fatherly tone. He patted Keith on the shoulder and then got up. He made eye contact with Keith once more before leaving the hallway. 

…

Keith joined the others for dinner, they had all been up to their own devices for the day. It seemed everyone had been avoiding Lance, Keith for obvious reasons, and the others because they were sick of his whining. Keith again sat down beside Lance, he gently took Lance’s hand in his own and offered him a small smile. He ignored the feeling he got from the contact. Shiro observed the interaction, hoping Keith would come to his senses soon.

“Where were you all day?” Lance questioned Keith, quietly so not to draw attention from the other's conversation.

“Nowhere.” Keith replied, his tone was sharp and to the point.

“Were you avoiding me?” Lance asked. Keith looked at him with a frown. 

“I was in a bad mood and I didn't want to take it out you.” Keith said defensively. He set his fork down and crossed his arms. He didn't know why it made him angry that Lance was accusing him of avoiding him. He was avoiding him, Keith had just hoped Lance wouldn't notice.

“Oh. Why were you in a bad mood?” Lance followed. Keith noticeably tensed.

“Just one of those days.” Keith shrugged. He tried to keep his expression blank. Lance nodded, though he was not convinced. 

Shiro had took note of the pair’s conversation. Shiro didn't want Keith to be unhappy, he didn't want any of his friends to be unhappy. He knew that Keith's stubbornness and low self-esteem, and Lance’s protectiveness and worrying were going to clash. Both of them were going to end up more hurt than they already were. Shiro just didn't know how he could help this situation. He would never go behind Keith's back and tell Lance. But, Lance needed to know why Keith was reverting back to solitude and defensive behavior. 

“Keith, if something's wrong you, you need to tell me.” Lance murmured, low enough for only Keith’s ears.

“I already told you there's nothing wrong. I don't see why you won't just drop it.” Keith responded, his voice rising slightly. Pidge glanced over at the pair.

“I don't believe you.” Lance stated.

“I'm not talking about this anymore.” Keith stood from the table and cleared his place. Everyone looked over at Keith who left the table. 

“What did you do?” Hunk sighed once Keith had left room.

…

Keith locked his door behind, not wanting to be bothered by any of his teammates, especially Lance. In all truthfulness, which Keith didn't want to admit to himself, all he wanted was a Lance hug without making his skin crawl. 

He laid down in his bed that smelt faintly of Lance. It was too early for Keith to fall asleep, he merely sulked. All he wanted was for this awful disease to disappear. It would never really be gone, only managed. 

He also wished it didn't make him feel so badly about himself. He couldn't stand the faded scars from when he was young. They were faint enough that if you didn't already know they were there, you wouldn't notice them. Keith knew were there, he was grateful that Lance had either never noticed or asked about them. 

…

The following day came and passed, Keith ignored Lance in training and returned to his room after a shower. Shiro attempted to talk to Keith and tried to get Keith to be less touchy about the subject. Keith already knew this though, this disease just made him feel out of control of himself. Lance didn't know why him asking made Keith so upset, he was trying to find out.

Lance sulked in the common room, annoying Hunk and Pidge.

“Can you guys just work out whatever the fuck is going on between you two? I'm tired of you sitting around acting like a kicked puppy.” Pidge spoke up, interrupting the whining Lance was doing. 

“That's what I've been trying to do! He keeps pretending that everything is fine when i know he's acting weird.” Lance said.

“He obviously doesn't want to talk about it, you interrogating him probably isn't helping.” Pidge told him, not even looking up from their laptop type device. Lance looked over to Pidge, frustrated they were siding with Keith over him. Lance slumped further into the couch, wishing he was with Keith.

“Have you even tried talking to him since yesterday?” Hunk asked.

“No, I thought he would want space.” Lance replied, furrowing his eyebrows. 

“I think we all have had enough space for a lifetime.” Pidge joked and chuckled at their own joke. Hunk shook his head, holding back laughter. 

“In all seriousness, you should go make nice with Keith.” Pidge said, her tone taking a note of sternness. 

…

Lance didn't immediately take Pidge’s advice, he first walked around the castle while attempting to sort his thoughts out. He thought about the possible explanations for Keith’s odd behavior, each more outrageous than the last. Lance knew Keith wasn't dying from a rare ancient alien disease, but the possibility of Keith wanting to break up with him was there. Lance racked his brain for other feasible ideas, but nothing came to mind. The only way Lance could know for sure was if he asked Keith and he told him instead of brushing Lance off. Lance just needed to find the courage to ask Keith again, and patience for Keith's reluctance.

He eventually found himself outside of Keith’s door, and he paced back and forth for a few minutes, trying to build up the willpower to knock. He didn’t up needing any, the door opened and Lance let out a high pitched scream. Keith stared at Lance in shock before he couldn’t hold back a laugh any longer. 

“That was actually terrifying, I think I may have had a minor heart attack.” Lance gasped, holding his chest dramatically. Keith rolled his eyes and smiled at Lance, glad to be distracted from their ongoing argument.

“Hey, um, I just want to apologize for being so pushy, you know, before. I should trust you when you say you’re okay, I didn’t really have any right to question you. And yeah, just sorry.” Lance said after a silence had settled between them. Keith wished Lance had said anything other than that. 

Lance wasn’t the one who should be apologizing, Keith knew he was to blame. Lance currently had the most rights to be questioning his well being and making sure he was okay. And Keith wasn’t okay! Keith had never wanted to make Lance feel like it was his fault for Keith’s insecurities, that was one of the last things he ever wanted to do. Keith sighed and looked at Lance’s face, hoping to see anything close to a smile. He felt even worse seeing the solemn expression upon Lance’s face. 

“Please don’t apologize, none of this was ever your fault and don’t think you’re to blame for any of it. It’s all me, really-” Keith began but was sharply cut off by Lance. 

“You are not actually breaking up with me using the “it’s not you, it’s me” line, at least come up with a better excuse than that,” Lance scoffed. Keith’s eyes widened in shock.

“Who said anything about breaking up?!” Keith exclaimed.

“Wait, you’re not breaking up with me?” Lance asked, and his heart instantly felt ten times lighter. 

“No! No, not unless you want to. I just, I guess I have been dealing with some stuff from the past.” Keith responded, his heart ached even more. He had made Lance think that they were going to break up. Lance must have been thinking that he didn’t love him anymore. 

“Okay, I was sorta stressing about that. Just let me know what’s up when you’re ready, and I understand if you want to be alone, as long as you let me know that you give me some kind of warning next time. Everyone has shit from the past, it’s really okay.” Lance sighed. 

“I really want to tell you, I just don’t know how. I don’t want you to not want to be with me because of it.” Keith admitted, staring down at the ground. He suddenly had Lance leading him into his room. 

“Why don’t we talk in your room instead of the hallway.”Lance suggested and continued leading Keith until they both were sat on Keith’s bed. Keith took a moment to gather his thoughts, Lance waited patiently for him. He had to tell Lance. 

“I-I have a skin disease, it’s not like fatal or anything… It just makes me really uncomfortable and not want to be touched by anyone. I had like medicine and shit for it on earth, but now obviously I don’t. I’m actually surprised that it took this long to come back. But, that’s why I’ve been avoiding you, because I knew that if you knew, you wouldn’t want to be with me anymore. And I understand if you don’t want to, like n-no hard feelings, r-right?” Keith’s words were spoken quickly and quietly. Lance’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“I wouldn’t dump you just because you have a disease.” Lance frowned. 

“You don’t even know what the disease is, you don’t even know what it looks like.”Keith shook his head. 

“Show me then.” Keith looked to Lance in surprise, his expression filled with worry. Keith hesitantly moved his hair up and turned away from Lance so his back was facing him. Lance looked over Keith’s exposed neck, blotchy and covered in small red bumps. He didn’t think it was gross, he was just finding out new things about Keith. This was another piece of who Keith was. 

“Keith even if you had lizard skin, I wouldn’t love you any less. I’ve gotten to know you through these months in space, I’ve gained trust and love for you, and even though your impeccable looks are quite a perk, I love you for your personality. You are good person, a person I love, and you having this disease isn’t going to change that.” Lance told Keith sincerely. He turned Keith around and looked into Keith’s eyes that were slightly watery from the overwhelming feeling of relief. 

“You mean that?” Keith asked, already knowing the answer but needing all the assurance he could get. 

“Yeah, of course, you fork.” Lance smiled and Keith couldn’t help but smile back. “Wow can I just say, I’m really glad you’re not breaking up with me.”

“I think I can say the same.” Keith chuckled and wiped his eyes. Lance threw his arms around Keith and kissed him. Keith smiled into the kiss and Lance loved the feeling. They broke apart and Lance hugged Keith tightly for a moment before scooting away. 

“I know you probably don’t want to tell anyone else about this, but I’m sure Pidge, Hunk, or Coran could help figure out an alternative to any medicine you had on earth.” Lance said gently. 

“We’ll see, all I wanna do right now is take a nap. I never realized how accustomed I had gotten to sleeping with another person.”Keith sighed and flopped back onto his bed. Lance shrugged and laid down beside Keith, he couldn’t deny that he was feeling the same way as Keith.

**Author's Note:**

> Just wanted to make sure it's understood that I have nothing against eczema, a lot of my family members have it, including me, and I thought it would be interesting to write about.


End file.
